How to Support Friends in Difficult Times

When a friend is going through a difficult time, it can be tough to know what to do. You want to help, but you also don't want to make the situation worse. That's where this blog post comes in! We will provide 11 tips for supporting your friend through their challenges. These tips come from experts who have studied friendship and human behavior. With these tips, you can help your friends feel supported and understood during their tough time.

Before we get started, I want to share a personal story of a time where I got it wrong. I learned that one of my friends father passed away. This was a friend that I looked up to and admired as a mentor. I wanted to help, but didn't know what to say. I agonized, should I call or text? I ended up sending a text message because I was so fearful I might say the wrong thing. In my heart I wanted to call. Many months later I confessed to my friend that I was so scared to say the wrong thing that I didn’t really say much. I felt extreme guilt about it and even though it’s been many years it’s a moment I regret. I learned from that situation that even when you don’t know what to say, you can say that. Even when you don’t know how to show up for your friend, all you have to do is ask.

In life, if we live long enough we will all experience grief. I’m sure you can think of some moments in your life where things didn’t go as you planned. Maybe someone close to you moved away or your dog died. It could have been a time when you were betrayed by a friend and it broke your heart or you went through an agonizing breakup or divorce. You might have struggled with your own inner deamons and engaged in destructive behaviors or maybe you lost someone to disease. The truth is, pain is pain. We experience it in many ways and to varying degrees but knowing we have a support system and people who love and care about us can make all the difference.

Take in these tips to apply them for yourself and look for them in others. Use them to help people in your life and look for these qualities in others so that you can share your truth with people who will create a safe spaces to process and heal.

Tip #1: Listen without judgement

One of the most important things you can do for your friend is to simply listen. Don't judge them or tell them what they should do. Just let them talk and express their feelings. This can be really cathartic for your friend and can help them feel supported.

Tip #2: Don't give unsolicited advice

While your friend may appreciate your help, they may not want or need your advice. It's important to respect their wishes and let them handle the situation in their own way.

Tip #3: Acknowledge their feelings

Don't try to talk your friend out of their feelings. Acknowledge that they are going through a tough time and that their feelings are valid.

Tip #4: Don't ignore them

It's common to not know what to do when friends are going through challenges. You may have the wish to avoid them, in fear you won’t know what to do or say. However, this actually makes things worse for them. They can feel abandoned and alone. It's important to be there for them, even if it's just to offer a listening ear.

Tip #5: Don't compare their situation to your own

It can be easy to try and relate to your friend's situation by comparing it to something that's happened in your life. However, this can actually make them feel worse. Each person's experience is unique. Although you may be trying to relate to them, hearing that you have gone through something similar can seem like you are diminishing their struggles by comparing them to your own.

Tip #6: Show your support in small ways

Your friend may not need or want a lot of help from you. Sometimes, just showing your support in small ways can make a big difference. Bring them dinner, give them a call or simply go for a walk with them.

Tip #7: Let them know you're there for them

It's important for your friend to know that they can count on you. Let them know that you are there for them, no matter what.

Tip #8: Don't overstep your boundaries

It's important to be mindful of your own boundaries when supporting your friend. You don't want to end up taking on too much responsibility or feeling overwhelmed yourself.

Tip #9: Take care of yourself

Supporting your friend may mean that you give away a lot of your energy, it’s important to replenish and restore your energy so you have more to offer. Make sure to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise regularly, ask yourself what you need and provide that to yourself.

Tip #10: Seek help if you need it

If you're feeling overwhelmed or like you can't handle supporting your friend on your own, don't be afraid to seek help. Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about how you're feeling.

Tip #11: Show your support in the long run

Your friend will likely appreciate your support even after they've overcome their challenge. Be there for them in the long run, and help them rebuild their life after their tough time. Be the kind of friend you would like to have.

I want to share the power of these tips, there was a time when I lost everyone and everything in my life. I felt completely alone in the world. It was a dark and unstable time where I didn’t know how I would get through the darkness. Then I started reaching out to my biological Grandmother Marilyn, because I was adopted I hadn’t spent a lot of time with her growing up. As I got to know her more, opened up and shared my truth, I experienced the greatest gift I have ever received- unconditional love. People can light up the darkness and help us through the challenging times with their love.

If you are in a difficult time and struggling in silence, please reach out to someone you can trust. Seek someone who has the qualities listed above so that you can feel supported, loved and encouraged through your difficult times.

I hope these tips help you support your friends during their challenging times.