5D Love Model
With this method you will be able to evaluate your relationships to see how you can strengthen them or when it's time to walk away and seek relationships with greater depth.
I’m here to support you in your journey - Kaden@KadenJames.com
Unedited Transcript:
Hi, everyone, and welcome. I'm so glad that you are here. Now I'm telling you, by the end of this presentation, you're going to see your relationships completely different. This model has helped so many people who are in existing relationships to strengthen them or for others who have gotten out of toxic relationships to unpack. Why things went wrong and what to look for in the future so that they can actually get the love that they are desiring now. It doesn't just work for romantic relationships, it also works for friendships so you can see what's going on. This will help you in so many different ways and I can't wait to jump in. But before we do, I want to talk to you a little bit about relationships. Now, there are a few areas in our lives that can bring us so much pleasure and so much pain, and there's the potential for both. And sometimes we have relationships that are really wonderful that still make us weave back and forth between pleasure and pain. Now I want to lessen the pain and I want to help you with your relationships. I struggled for the longest time with relationships, and in particular it was romantic relationships. I experienced so much pain, so much drama. I felt like I was always wasting my time with people that didn't really value me and we weren't really headed in the same directions. So I would get. Attached. And then I would feel like it's going to be hard to get out of this situation. But then I started to realize, wow, there's some patterns here. So I decided as a life coach and a researcher that I was going to dive into relationships with as much enthusiasm, curiosity and excitement. As I did with my career, my fitness and other areas of my life, so that is how this came to be. Because I struggled so much, I created this model, the 5D love model for relationships. And I'm telling you, once you learn this, you will never see your relationships. The same because when you understand how to evaluate your friendships, how to evaluate your past relationships or your current relationship and strengthen it, you are going to be so much better off. And if you're not currently in a relationship or you know you meet somebody in the future. You're gonna know what to look out for so that you don't get caught in the emotional swirl of lust and passion and continue to just go down this path of destruction because it is chaotic out there. It can feel like a battlefield. Like Pat Benatar says, love is a battlefield. It can feel like that, and I want to help you navigate it with strength, with grace and dignity. Because when you love yourself and you understand what to look out for, you're going to do the thing that's best for you, and the thing that's best for you is also best for them. So the people that come into our lives, if we are latching on to something that isn't healthy for us, it's not healthy for them either. With all that said, the last thing I want to ask you to do right here in this moment is to prepare your own energy. Now the energy we bring into a room with us is powerful. Have you ever met somebody and the moment you met them, you just loved their vibe? You know, that's their vibration. It's their vibrational state, which means it's their energy. And if we're preparing our own energy, we're going to have more fun in our lives. We're going to enjoy even learning like something like this. You're going to enjoy this so much more if you prepare your energy. With how you want to feel as we go through this process now, I don't know what you're going through in your life currently in this moment, but I want to ask you to just release that from your consciousness right now. Just release anything that's going on. Just be here now and let's have some fun with this because this. Is going to change everything. And you're not going to have to worry about relationships as much in the future because you're going to know what to look out for and how to strengthen them. Let's get into that energy right now. Let's shake our bodies. Let's really feel good here in this moment as I go through this with you, because I want you to be as fired up. And excited for your future relationships, for your current relationships, and to even understand what happened in the past. Because the past and facing your truth will help prepare you for an amazing future. Do this, and I'm telling you everything's gonna change. Drum roll, please. All right, that was kind of weak. I'm gonna need your help on this. Alright, I want you to hit your coffee table, hit your knee, hit your desk. Just don't hurt anybody. But let's do this. All right? On 321. Alright, come on, little closer. There you go. Alright, so the first D in the model is desired. We're going to go through this from a romantic point of view first, but this can be applied to friendships. We all desire different things in relationships, and it's good for us to know what those motives are and what's driving that passion, that curiosity. That excitement, that wanting to hang out more and get to know this person or wanting to spend your time with this person. So desire is the first D in the love model, right? The second one is delighted. How delighted are you to spend time with this person? Do you light up when you get a text from them or? You know they call you out of the blue, so delighted is also when you're spending time with them. Are they playful? Are they fun? Do you feel playful? Do you feel fun? The next is dependability. Can you really count on this person to show up for you? Do they do what they say they're going to do? Are they somebody that you can lean on when times get tough? This is dependability. This is the Yang energy to delight its yin energy, which is light and playful and fun. Dependability is stable. It's something that we can really trust. The next key is dreams. Do we share a similar vision for the future? Do you want the same things? You know when you think about relationships? A lot of times people, when they're first starting out in a relationship, they're just focused on the desire section, right? How much am I attracted to this person? Am I lustful for them? Do I want them? It's more of the physical carnal. Kind of earthbound. This area is an area we really should focus on in the beginning of relationships. Before we get caught in the squirrel of emotions. We need to know if we actually want the same things for the future. Otherwise it's just going to be a little fling, right? So knowing the dreams, knowing what you really want. You know, do you want kids? Do you wanna own your own home? Do you wanna have your own business? Do you wanna partner that's going to provide for the family, or do you want somebody that's going to stay home with the kids and make sure the house is running? Well, We want to know what these things are early on so that we don't waste other people's time. Now that's something that I see over and over again. People get into relationships really quick because they got the passion and maybe they're delighted by the person, but they don't maybe have the dependability or they don't share the same vision for the future. You can have all of these areas working and just have one area not working. And it can cause a lot of pain. If you're desired by someone and you're delighted by them, that can be great in lust. So if you're just like, oh, this person's hot. I'm really into this person, and I'm feeling good when I'm with them and I feel like I desire them, they desire me. Boom, you got lust, dependability, and desirable. You got a great lover. You have somebody you can trust. You can count on, but you also are passionate for them. That is great when it comes to having a lover's dependability and dreams. That can be great for a partner. So you share the same vision and you are dependable. Maybe you're great at raising children together, but if you're not feeling desired anymore and you're not really feeling delighted. That's gonna take its toll on your relationship as well, but you might still make a great partner. And when it comes to partnerships outside of romantic relationships, dependability and dreams, a shared vision, and somebody that you can trust that can form a great partnership in a working relationship. And dreams. And delighted that makes a great friend. Now if you've ever thought about this, you know if you have a shared vision and shared goals and and things that excite you and you enjoy hobbies that you have in common and you're delighted by the person last times. Those people make great friends. I want to say this. You know, just because two of these things might be working really well in any of these areas, you really want to have all of them ideally working together because that's going to strengthen the depth of your relationship and that's what we're all really truly wanting. We want those deep meaningful relationships. Otherwise you wouldn't be watching this if you just want to shallow. Hollow things. If you just wanted to play in lust or you know, have like little lovers, that would be very shallow. I believe that you're here because you want to dive deeper into relationships and you want to uncover the powerful transformation, the self growth that you get and what you can contribute to people. When you have those deep relationships. So think about this, if you're low in any of these areas, let's say that you're not very delighted. How is this going to work? Not so great if you're not feeling like you're having fun with your partner, but you know you have shared vision, you have dependability, you can trust them and you're attracted to them, but you're just not really delighted by them. That's going to take us toll on your relationship if you no longer desire your partner, but they're dependable. You have fun with them and you have a common vision. You could still stay with that person for a really long time, but you're gonna wanna fill this desire back up so you can actually feel the juice and the intensity and the passion. So knowing where you're at in this is so powerful and I want you to think about. A relationship that you've been in the past or when you're currently in, right. Think about where you were with desire. How much did you desire the person in the beginning? I'll tell you, it's probably pretty high, right? Because that's what drives this. So your desire might have been really high in the beginning. Unless you started out as friends, but even then, you desired to be friends with this person for a reason. You either loved your deep conversations, you loved that they were there for you maybe when you went through a breakup. So desire is usually pretty intense for all of the areas to even happen to begin with. Because if we don't desire to hang out with somebody. We don't desire to be in their presence. They we're not gonna really be around them too much. At some point. They delighted you, You had fun with them, you enjoyed being around them. A lot of times the light can happen even when dependability isn't happening. Now of course, you need them to show up for you to some extent. And if this. Is not filled. If this is not going so well, if you're not pretty high on the dependability area, then the delight is going to start going down too, and that's what you'll notice with all of these areas. If any one of these areas is low, it's going to start to affect the others. So ideally we. Really want to strengthen these areas. If you're not in this accident, all of these areas, those are the areas you want to work on. If you're not feeling like you have a shared vision, for instance, you need to get on track with that and that can be one of the hardest areas to get on track if the person is just dead set against kids. And you really want to have kids. And let's say that you're a woman and you know your biological clock is ticking. You're gonna want to be very honest with yourself about where you're headed, the reality of that situation. Now, that's one of the more deep, extreme cases, but when it comes to dependability, for instance. A movie that comes to mind which is so interesting is Mrs. Doubtfire. It's a great example actually for dependability because if you look at Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams character was not dependable, so therefore his dependability was very low because he was always playing around, he was delightful. The kids loved being around him and. You know, he had a shared vision. He was trying to move his career in a certain direction, like he wanted to be successful. He wanted to raise his kids in the best way possible. They had a few different ideas about how that would be done, but they also found themselves very attracted to each other in the beginning, but because of the dependability. Issue it caused that to wane. So Robin Williams becomes Mrs. Doubtfire becomes super dependable and then it starts to fill in some of these areas and then Sally Fields character was kind of questioning like whoa, this missus Doubtfire is amazing like. Wait. And then when she finds out as Robin Williams, she's like kind of having a moment of pause. Ultimately it doesn't work out. But that dependability, had that been there in the beginning, maybe they would have stayed together. So it's very important to express our needs to our partners and say. What do you need from me? All right, now that we have filled this out, based on how we feel about our partner, I want us to imagine how our partner might be feeling about us. Come over here. Alright, so we're going to do this a little different now, OK, So when you think about your partner, you can ask your partner if you're currently in a relationship. Do you think that they'd be open to this? Ask him. Ask him. Where do you think we're at? Like, how delightful am I to you? How desired am I to you? And this can be hard to ask this one in particular. A lot of people really struggle with that. Dependable. How dependable do you think I am? How much do we line up with our goals and our vision for the future? Their dreams. Not only are you gonna ask your partner how desirable are you, you're gonna ask for ways that you can increase that for them, right? You're gonna ask for how you can delight them more, how you can show up for them more and be more dependable. You know, get on the same page with your dreams. Maybe you've never even talked about. Their goals. So many couples that I talked to, they have a few goals and they think their partner knows what they want for the future, but they don't really talk about it. They don't sit down at a table one night, you know, put on some nice music and just dreamscape. Think about all those things that they desire out of life, all those things that are going to bring them juice and make them. Really passionate and fired up. Can we build this up so that we can strengthen each other to where we do have that deep connection that's going to stand the test of time. And if the answer is no in any of those areas? Really, you gotta be honest with yourself. If you're not going to have the shared vision, then somebody is going to settle, somebody's gonna have to compromise and you have to be honest with yourself. Are you willing to do that? If you can't increase the desirability, that's going to have to be something that you both come to terms with. And for me, I don't ever wanna settle in a relationship. I don't wanna settle in my friendships. I don't wanna settle in any business relationship. Nothing. I I'm always seeking to make the best possible outcomes. And I'm not saying it'll be perfect. I mean, relationships are messy. Life is messy. OK, none of this is perfect. And even in my relationships, there's areas where I still gotta work. There's times when I'm not super dependable because I don't always like to have a really strict schedule. I mean, obviously with my clients and with my work, yes, but with my friendships, sometimes I just want to be spontaneous when I have a weekend off, like. I actually just want to take the time to do what feels right intuitively. That doesn't work for a lot of people, so they don't think of me as dependable when that's how I live my life and that's what I choose for myself. But that is my dream. That is my vision for my future and my life, and I respect their vision for their future and their life. So sometimes those friendships might not workout. It's just a fact of life. But at least we can look at this and we can go, you're not a bad person for feeling the way you do and wanting somebody that's going to say every other weekend, we're going to spend it together, we're going to go here, we're going to do that. There are people out there like that and that's OK, but I'm just not one of them. So that just Is an incompatible relationship. Now, if they can be somebody that adjusts to how I live my life and I can, you know, respect them for how they want to live their life and we can find mutual ground, Great. But when it comes to relationships, you want all of these things to flow because the most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have. Like yourself. So it's very important that you know yourself, Know what your vision is, know what delights you, know what dependability looks like for you and know what you desire. What are your needs, what are your likes, what are your interests, what are your, you know, turn ONS. You want to know all that stuff and that's. A part of really getting in touch with who you are on a deep level, Alright, so when you know those answers, it's easier if you're just going on a first date to spot, hey, we don't line up in this area, we don't line up in this area or this area, this doesn't matter. But to know that going into it and not get swirled into it, not get caught in a relationship. That isn't right for you. That will save you time, energy and has you understand this, it becomes very easy to navigate the dating world. X marks the spot. So when you got that in harmony, oh, you have hit the sweet spot that is going to feel like divine love that is going to feel like out of this world. And the reason why is because it's multidimensional love. It is out of this world. It's not less. It's not lover. It's not just a partner or a friend. It is death. And it can be. All of those things can be a partnership, it can be a friendship, it could be a romantic relationship, but it could be all kinds of things. But it's deep, it's meaningful, and that means it's going to endure. It's going to be a great love of your life no matter what. Happens. Those people that hit this sweet spot. Those are the people that are going to be the most important people in your life. I really just want to encourage you now to apply it to yourself. See how you line up with some of the relationships that are in your life and you'll be able to spot the red flags. You'll be able to get into relationships that are healthy for you. You'll be a healthy person entering in the relationship. And they will be too, because if it wasn't aligned within this, you'll now know that hey, if it's not a line, if it's not an X marks the spot, then it's not gonna be a deep, meaningful connection. It's going to be a little bit shallow in some area, It's not gonna line up. And because it's not aligned. It's not right for me. And your gut knows this. Your intuition almost always knows this. That's why we get into relationships sometimes and we go I knew better. Why didn't I listen to my gut? Well, this makes it so practical. So it's not just your heart telling you something's wrong or your intuition. Hmm, yeah. Not the relationship for you. It's not just that. It's actually even more powerful, because now you're embarking into the journey of the mind, you're able to see a formula that has been constructed for you to help you really get a grip. And do what's right for you. So if this has been helpful, I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear anything that you want to share, any breakthroughs that you've gone through through this process or if you'd like to work one-on-one with myself or another coach, I would love to help you out. So thanks for watching and we'll see you soon.