Building Your Tribe: The Art of Community
This holiday season I have been able to enjoy good conversations and incredible meals with friends and family as well as people I had never met before. It was beautiful to come together at a retirement community and mingle and eat some incredible food. There was dancing, laughter, some dirty jokes, and some of the best home cooked food imaginable!
I want us to imagine life as a potluck dinner. Everyone brings something unique to the table, and together, the spread becomes a feast! Literally at the retirement community I couldn’t even fit a sample of each dish on three plates. Building a community around you works the same way—it’s about inviting others to the banquet of life and contributing to theirs as well. Here’s how you can become the ultimate host or guest in a thriving, supportive community, served with a dash of fun, wisdom and plenty of warmth.
The recipe-
Step 1: Start with Your Ingredients (Uncover Yourself)
Notice those around you who are good at building community. Pay attention to how you feel in their presence, how they navigate a party and make others feel welcome. Then notice your natural talents, are you a helper? Do you enjoy planning and setting up a party? Do you enjoy greeting people, and making them feel welcome? Do you offer support and ask good questions that get people to open up? It’s important to test out and learn what we can bring to the table. Are you the comforting mashed potatoes or the spicy guacamole? Understanding your strengths, passions, and values helps attract the right people to your orbit.
• Life Coaching Tip: Reflect on what energizes you and where your skills really shine. People are drawn to authenticity, so be your true self—quirks and all. Often it’s the things that we have been insecure about that endears us to others.
Step 2: Send Out Invitations (Be Approachable and Inclusive)
Great communities start with simple connections. Compliment someone’s shirt you really like and say why you like it, or strike up a conversation with someone reading an interesting book title. These small gestures are like handing out invitations to your personal potluck.
• Fun Analogy: Think of yourself as a lighthouse. You don’t chase ships; you stand tall and let your light guide them to you. Shine your light through kindness and curiosity and watch as the boats and ships come to rest in your harbor.
Step 3: Create a Shared Table (Foster Common Ground)
The best communities thrive on shared experiences. Whether it’s a book club, a hiking group, or Tuesday-night taco gatherings, creating opportunities for people to bond over mutual interests is a PRO TIP! You can often find these groups easily with a google search that includes your area. If a group that you’re looking for doesn't exist you can gage interest by asking people in the area or through social media.
• Life Coaching Tip: Host or attend an event or activity you genuinely enjoy. Enthusiasm is contagious! And remember, don’t try to make it perfect, make it enjoyable. That means enjoying yourself and doing what you can to make it enjoyable for others at the same time.
Step 4: Stir the Pot (Nurture Relationships)
Building a community is like making soup—it gets better the longer it simmers. Invest time and energy into nurturing relationships, keep the heat on them and maker sure the soup is neither burnt or cold, find the perfect temperature by becoming aware of the needs of those you engage with. Send that “thinking of you” text, invite people to join in on your hobbies, and celebrate their life milestones.
Step 5: Let it Thicken (Model Generosity and Support)
Listen deeply to those you are in relation with. Know what is going on in their life. When challenging times occur in their lives offer a helping hand, lend an empathetic ear, or cheer them on. You create a ripple effect with your kindness and we never know when we might need the favor returned. Kindness inspires kindness.
Step 6: Embrace the Mess (Embrace Imperfection)
Communities, like people, are gloriously imperfect. Even with the best of intentions, sometimes plans fall through, conflicts arise, or life pulls people in different directions. That’s okay! Real connection isn’t about perfection; it’s about perseverance. Don’t be afraid when things get rough and tumble at times. It’s light mixing a dough by hand, sometimes it just takes time to smooth out but it will be worth it. I have had arguments and disagreements with some of my closest friends and when we come together calmly after we see where the other was coming from and I have often changed my approach or learned something from these moments. They can be major life lessons.
Step 7: Celebrate the Feast (Enjoy Your Journey)
Take time to savor the joy of being part of something expansive. Whether it’s a spontaneous group dance party or a deep conversation with a new friend, these moments remind us why community matters. Feast with others on the variety of those you come into your life. Everyone has different experiences, things to share, and commonalities with you even if it doesn't always seem that way at first. Dive deeper and you will uncover what I have from speaking with thousands and thousands of people at length. At its core we all just want to experience love. Get good at giving it and receiving it and the world will benefit from the abundance of love you co-create.
Bonus-
This one is so BIG and must not be ignored to have a great life. There is no path to a happy and healthy life without deep gratitude. It is the secret sauce! Let your people know how much you appreciate them.
I look forward to watching your community flourish and I hope you will be a part of ours.
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-Kaden