Nurturing the Seed of Self-Acceptance

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” — Oscar Wilde

In the quiet corners of our hearts, there exists a longing for acceptance. This desire for for approval is amplified if in early life we felt the need to diminish our passions for peer acceptance, played sports to appease a parent, pretended to be someone else to avoid being bullied, hid our sexuality for safety, or any other form of self-distortion. For many people I work with, we uncover that we have sought validation it in the eyes of others and changed who we were for partners, parents, and/or peers. Yet, true acceptance begins not in external validation, but within.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Uncovering your True Self

When you are alone with yourself and the mind goes quiet, here you can feel your essence. When there is no one around and you are simply being with yourself. Learning about yourself through deeper exploration and asking yourself even simple questions to uncover your preferences in life can really help you know yourself. The people we often see with the biggest personalities are really people who know what they want and like and then have the courage to share that with others. When we know ourselves and what we want it helps us so much in navigating life. We turn from just accumulating whatever comes our way to selecting what we actually want. It’s like “hand me downs” vs going to a store and picking out the clothes that reflect your personal style and the results are that it just fits. It might not be what others like but it’s not about pleasing everyone and that is something no one on earth can do. Everyone is going to have people who don’t approve or like them, the important thing is that you like you, that you are a person of good integrity and character.

One way I really like to help clients tune into who they are is to get a book of personality questions, you can find them at most bookstores or online they usually have titles like “getting to know me” or “1000 questions about me”. Many of us have never been asked that many unique questions about ourselves or even pondered these questions within ourselves. It’s amazing to see how this creates clarity for so many people. These have really helped my clients as well as myself uncover more about my likes, dislikes, boundaries, favorite travel destinations and experiences… And often the questions get deeper as you go further in the book.

I have a special list of deep and meaningful questions you can ask yourself as journal prompts or engage in a deeper conversation with someone with. If you would like those questions click this link- SPARK: Questions for Connection

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” Quote by Socrates.

Here are a few other ways to get to know yourself better:

Visualize Your Ideal Self: Spend time imagining the person you aspire to become. What habits, character qualities, and lifestyle would you like to have?

Passions, Interests, and Dreams: Reflect on what truly excites you. Dive into your passions, explore new interests, and revisit childhood interests and dreams. Write out some of your greatest goals, these will help you move yourself in the right direction.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: Growth happens beyond familiar boundaries. Try something new, whether it’s a hobby, travel, or a daring adventure. I have learned so much about myself by doing things out of the norm, like traveling the world to places like Dubai, Germany, Ireland, and Italy. I was worried about doing it on a tight budget in the early days and when I didn’t speak the language but I figured it out and it really caused me to grow as a person.

Acknowledge Your Skills: Don’t underestimate any skill, no matter how small. Whether it’s cooking, organizing chaos, bringing people together, playing an instrument- even a good air guitar and making everyone laugh, each skill reflects a part of you.

Spend Time Enjoying Your Own Company: This is a great way know yourself, from this place you will hear your inner wisdom rise up.

Admire Your Strengths: Reflect on what you admire most about yourself.

Gaining the courage to be yourself

Now that we have gone over how to know yourself better it’s time to share some ways to show up BOLDLY yourself.

Recognize External vs. Internal Influence

We were molded by societal expectations, family, and peers. The distorted self emerged—the version of us that prioritizes fitting in and doing what we’re told. Distinguish between external pressures and your inner voice, this is crucial and may take a little time. A great way I like to check in with myself when I am unsure about the difference is to simply ask- “Where is this coming from?” From there you can often uncover if this is something you want to be, do or have in your life or if it’s a projection of others beliefs, pressures and/or desires for your life. From an informed place you get to decide.

For example: Maybe you work at a local bank and you have some friends from work who follow you on social media. You don’t post about your side photography passion because in your mind “that wouldn't be good.” So you read this article and asked “Where is this coming from?” That’s when you realized you were scared your boss might see it and not like that you are doing other work and you might not be promoted to a branch manager. Now you know where it’s coming from so you can decide consciously on your path. It had nothing to do with you thinking your work isn’t good so you might start a discreet instagram to showcase your work, or sell it on another platform.

Cultivate Self-Compassion

Accept your weaknesses without harsh judgment, everyone has things they aren’t good at and areas of their life they are working on. When I think back on my younger self I see that I was really trying to do my best but I made missteps and could have done things better or faster. My coaches really helped me with that. I struggled to make a living for a very long time and had a very defeated mindset because I thought a lot of people would judge me for being gay. I grew t see that everything I am is worthy of love and by loving myself I no longer needed anyone else to. So I freed myself to be more bold and make bigger moves knowing the right people would find me.

Practice Mindfulness

Stay present and attuned to your emotions. Notice when you’re veering away from authenticity.

I often see this happen for people when they don’t feel safe or are around a group of people who aren’t aligned with who they are.

Build a Support System

The saying- you become like the people you hang around comes to mind. If the people you are around don’t bring out the positive aspects of yourself or if they don’t share your values it may be time to seek out others who do. It can be tough but it will help. Align yourself with people who appreciate your authentic self. Seek out those who encourage your growth and celebrate your uniqueness, your life will be much better for it.

6. Face Your Fears

Authenticity requires courage. Confront the fear of rejection or judgment. Remember that hiding your true self leaves you feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. So think of an action you could take today to show up more as yourself, to be a bit bolder, a bit more honest, a bit braver… Practice this for a few weeks each day and watch as you show up with courage and the depth of your relationships and even conversations with strangers are enhanced.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” — Brené Brown

As you shed your masks, you’ll find people that reflect you in your purest light.

It’s a massive accomplishment to be able walk out of your door with nothing to prove and be able say- “This is me.”

THIS IS ME! Say it, it’s liberating.

-Kaden

Seed of Self-Acceptance: The Beginning of Self-Love