How To Build Confidence Without Toxic Positivity

When a person has struggled a lot in life to reach the shore of self-like, let alone the mountain top of self-love. It can be confusing to determine between a healthy affirmative thought and brainwashing yourself into delusion. I will say that I have tried both and when the options are being a bit delusional or pessimistically “realistic” I will choose a one way ticket to Deluluville. The reason being, is that just us being here is a miracle, for everything to have happened so perfectly for us to be on this rock in space that is the perfect distance from the sun to support life, to have the amazing wobble that creates seasons, to have a beautiful moon at. Just the right distance to create waves in the ocean and the gravitational pull that holds us here… I won’t even attempt to bore anyone with the science of it all but it’s amazing and also wildly improbable. Then we can factor in the miracle of the mind and consciousness and the awareness of this all. So why not believe in your power, in your miraculousness and that you can live your wildest dreams because all of this is wild. Every bit of our experience is wildly cool and don’t even get me started on the technical advances of the last thirty years. It’s like living in a Sci-Fi movie that is just getting really interesting. What we are discussing today is not delusional thinking but actually toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is dangerous because it’s a form of denial.  It’s someone saying “everything happens for a reason” when you are in the grip of deep grief over losing someone you love.  It’s a co-worker saying “Just be grateful that…” When you just lost your job and they are helping you pack up your things.  It’s the “look at the bright side” when you lent out your car and your friend returned it smashed up and the with super glue holding the grill together. Yeah this one happened to me…. Toxic positivity is like spray painting over the smelly and toxic mold that has infested the walls of your home and pretending it’s not there. It’s the pretending everything is okay when you need to tear down the walls and deal with the destruction and face the truth.  Confidence on the other hand is knowing while this current challenge may be tough, I will get through it. It looks at problems as an opportunity to gain strength through the resistance.  Confidence is realizing I don’t know it all, but I can learn.  Confidence says I’m nervous but I am still going to try… Or try again… and again…  The most confident people I know are afraid to follow their dreams, even when they have been really successful in the past. They worry what if others see me fail this time. Or what if My luck had run out. They have these thoughts but they silence the fears and seek out the freedom that lives past them. They ask themselves will this get me closer to the person I want to be? Will this help people and make an impact that is worth the risks? Will I regret not doing this later in life? Then they decide and take appropriate and if they work with me, aligned actions. Ones that feel right in their spirit.  If you want to rapidly build confidence.  -Take an inventory of things you have already done that have helped you trust yourself and your judgment.  -Keep promises you make to yourself. Make one now, such as- tomorrow I am going to go to the gym and workout for at least an hour.  -Commit to taking a 21 day challenge like the Sunrise Success Challenge ( KadenJames.com ) or commit to creating a habit over the next 21 days.  -Do difficulty things early in the day, this builds momentum and creates a mindset that says “If I can do that, what else can I achieve today.” -Face discomfort and track your wins even the small ones, then celebrate them.