How to Find Your Soul Goals and Live in Alignment With Your True Self
There was a time in my life when I thought traditional BIG goals could save me.
I thought if I could make enough money, I would finally feel safe. I thought if I could become successful enough, visible enough,impressive enough, maybe I would finally feel valuable. If enough people saw me, liked me, chose me, or applauded, maybe the smaller, wounded parts of me would finally quiet down and I would finally feel like I was enough.
Back then, I would have called it ambition. I would have said I was working hard, dreaming big, and trying to build a better life. And that was true. I was working hard. I did want a better life and I sill have some big dreams. But mixed in with all of that was something else too. There was fear. There was a younger version of me still trying to become impressive enough to make up for all the times I had felt invisible, unwanted, overlooked, not enough and at its core… unlovable.
Sometimes what we call ambition is really pain wearing a loaned Gucci suit to cover up the wounds we never healed.
One of my Soul Goals was to explore. I love learning from doing and getting to spend so much time in Italy was a dream come true… It delighted all the senses. Where does your soul want to go?
As a kid, I was made fun of for the way I looked. I was very thin, called scrawny, and struggled badly with acne. The words people used to describe me or insult me stayed with me longer than I realized. When you are young, you do not always know how to separate someone else’s opinion and/or cruelty from the truth. You absorb it, and sometimes those beliefs become private torture devices. In my case they had poisoned a large part of my mind, affecting how I showed up in the world.
After graduating early from high school, I moved to Los Angeles and started auditioning. LA has a way of making you look at yourself with a magnifying glass. I learned how to dress better, do my hair better, work out, and carry myself with more confidence. Eventually, I started modeling and worked with brands including Neiman Marcus, Coach, Tom Ford, and Louis Vuitton.
Parts of it were fun. It felt good to be working for iconic brands (that I couldn't afford), to be on set, to wear beautiful clothes, and to have doors open that the younger version of me probably never imagined walking through. But underneath the excitement, I was still trying to prove something. I thought success might heal the part of me that had once felt rejected.
It did not.
The success felt good for a moment, but the peace never lasted. I would reach one goal and almost immediately start looking for the next one: a bigger job, a better opportunity, more recognition, more proof. That is one of the clearest signs of an ego goal: even when you get what you thought you wanted, you grasp for more. It never feels like enough to satisfy for long. I was simply covering up my wounds with better clothes… and the hurt would leak through them like blood, soiling them until I learned to how to heal.
Soul Goals are different.
Soul Goals are spiritual goals that bring you closer to your true self, your passion, your peace, and your joy.
They are not rooted in fear, comparison, validation, or the need to prove your worth.
A Soul Goal grows from love instead of fear, from peace instead of neediness, and from truth instead of performance.
Money, beauty, fame, success, and recognition are not bad they are wonderful results when you are aligned. But when we chase them to feel safe, worthy, chosen, or enough, we are asking the outside world to do the healing that can only happen within us. We are chasing the results instead of creating the cause.
That is the difference between egoic goals and Soul Goals.
Ego goals make you perform for your worth.
Soul Goals remind you of the worth that was always there.
How to Find Your Soul Goals
One of the best ways to find your Soul Goals is to look at the goals you have wanted in the past and start asking- “why?”
Not in a harsh way, like you are scolding yourself or trying to prove that all your desires are wrong. Ask gently, like you are sitting beside yourself with compassion.
Take a goal and ask, “Why do I want this?” Then ask again and again... Keep going until you reach the soft and often vulnerable truth underneath the first set of answers.
Maybe the first answer is, “I want to build a successful business.” Then you ask why, and the answer is, “Because I want to make something cool and get paid a lot of money.” Then you ask why again, and the answer is, “Because I want to feel secure.” Then you ask why again, and maybe the truth is, “Because I have never fully felt safe, and I think if I have enough money, nothing can hurt me.”
Now you are no longer just looking at a business goal. You are looking at a heart that wants safety. From there, the Soul Goal may not be, “Make as much money as possible as fast as possible.” The Soul Goal may become, “I will prioritize making sure I feel safe everyday, even in small ways.” Then follow that up actions that make you feel this safety. I love using micro-mindfulness sessions daily that are tracked on the Vive app. You can get a free month on me here.
Soul goals help to build a life and create work from a place of peace, trust, and stability.” The business may still happen. The money will still come. But now you are not creating from fear and desperation. You are creating from a more real and honest place that will continue to serve you.
Instead of saying, “I need the perfect body so I can finally attract love in,” your Soul Goal might become, “I will care for my body because it is sacred, and this week I will move more, workout at least 3 times, take one full rest day without guilt, and write down one thing my body allowed me to do each night.”
Instead of saying, “I need to become successful to matter and make six figures a year,” your Soul Goal might become, “I will practice seeing myself with love now, and every morning I will place my hand on my heart and say, ‘I do not have to earn my worth today, I am already worthy. I am richer every time I enrich.’”
This is how a goal becomes a Soul Goal. It is not only a wish or a pretty sentence it requires action and awareness.
Then it becomes a practice you can live. These goals won’t exhaust you, they will uplift and bring more meaning and fulfillment. The act of doing them is a kind of reward and the results amplify as they raise your vibration and will attract more of all the things you desire.
We have been chasing the wrong things. Running after results instead of making the internal changes needed to enjoy what comes and what’s already here.
Ask What You Would Do If No One Was Watching
Another way to uncover your Soul Goals is to ask what you would do if no one was watching. What would you create if no one liked or shared it? Who would you help if no one gave you credit? What would you practice if it never made you look impressive? What would you still care about if there was no audience, no applause, no post, no praise, no proof?
I know from personal experience that these questions cuts through ego quickly because the ego wants to be seen winning, while the soul wants to play in alignment.
Ask What You Would Do If Money Had Nothing to Do With It
I heard this question posed many years ago and it is relevant. This does not mean that we should pretend bills do not exist or that there’s anything wrong with money- there’s not. We are human beings living in a physical world, and it is okay to want to be supported. It is okay to want comfort, stability, beauty, and freedom.
But money should not be the only voice in the room.
Wanting financial security is not unspiritual. Wanting abundance is great! I love abundance but to uncover the simple things that will light you up it often isn’t a boring 9-5. That can exist in your life too but for Soul Goals we are going to focus on what makes you feel really good and fulfilled.
So, if money had nothing to do with it, what would you still feel called to do? What would you do simply for the joy of doing it? What would make you feel alive even if it did not make you look successful? What would you choose if you were not choosing out of fear?
The soul often speaks through the things that light your heart up when no one is keeping score. It may be writing, hiking, painting, teaching, healing, gardening, biking, encouraging people, caring for animals, building something meaningful, making a home feel peaceful, it could be playing games with your friends, helping someone feel less alone, creating beauty, praying, learning, moving your body, or sitting quietly in nature long enough to hear your spirit speak to you.
The ego wants applause. The soul wants alignment.
Ask What Keeps Returning
Soul Goals are often the quiet things your heart calls out for and longs to return to. It may be a creative urge, a deep calling, an exciting dream, a healing practice, a certain place, a type of work, or a way of living that keeps coming back even after you ignore it.
The ego is often loud and impulsive, but the soul is patient and persistent. It may whisper the same thing for years. It may keep placing the same idea in your heart. It may keep nudging you toward something that feels simple but meaningful. We often overlook these nudges because they do not look like what the world taught us success should look like.
A client of mine loved flowers and kept thinking about making arrangements, but every time the thought came up, his ego stomped all over it.
“That’s not practical.” “You won’t make money from that.” “People won’t understand.” “It’s a waste of time.”
So he kept tucking the desire away, but SG’s have a way of returning. They might get quiet for a while, but they don’t fully leave because some part of your heart knows there is life there.
I encouraged him not to make it so big and scary. He didn’t have to turn it into a business, prove it was useful, or make it impressive. He could just begin with one arrangement.
So he started. He was an overachiever like so many of my wonderful clients and made a bunch of arrangements one weekend. At first, they were for people in his building and people he wanted to thank in his community. A few neighbors. The front desk staff. Even a barista he liked.
He continued making them on the weekends and would give them to someone having a hard week. Someone who had helped him in the past. Someone who simply deserved a little beauty.
He wasn’t doing it for praise. He wasn’t trying to prove anything. He was just letting something beautiful move through him.
And it changed him.
People lit up when they received his flowers. Conversations started. Friendships grew. It did not make him outwardly rich, but it enriched him so much inside that he felt rich. That kind of wealth matters too. More than we often realize!
That is what Soul Goals do. They may not always look impressive to the world, but they bring life, love, joy, and connection.
The ego asks, “Will this make me look important?” The soul asks, “Will this bring more love into the world?”
I hope you will create a few of these goals for yourself and enjoy the expanded awareness this process is here to offer. If you do I would love to hear from you!